Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Randomize
