do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
