There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
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