you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize
