Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
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