she kept yelling 'call me bella'
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
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Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
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Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
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