How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
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