I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
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