he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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