She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
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