I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
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