Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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