I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
Randomize
