i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
