There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
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