it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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