I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
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