And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
