i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
Randomize
