dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
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