i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
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