I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
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