my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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