the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
Randomize
