you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
Randomize
