I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
Randomize
