I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
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