I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
Randomize
