Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
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