as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Randomize
