I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
You peed on a flamingo?!?
Randomize
