I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
Randomize
