I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
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I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
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okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
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