My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
I had to cum in my sink.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
