I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Randomize
