Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
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