We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
pray to the hookup gods
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
