Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Randomize
