So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
