And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
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