Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
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