Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
My liver just had a heart attack.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Randomize
