So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
Randomize
