3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Randomize
