he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
Randomize
