Can i not drive my cunt home
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
Randomize
