Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
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