What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
Randomize
