it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
