waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
