capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Randomize
