I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
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