woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
I want her autograph on my taint
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Randomize
