I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
Randomize
