He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Randomize
