but the lizard people decide everything anyway
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
