Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
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