Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
I had to cum in my sink.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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