he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
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