Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
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