Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Randomize
