You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
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