Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
she told me i tasted like america
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
Randomize
