I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
Randomize
