and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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