This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
Randomize
