Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
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