my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Randomize
