He is such a slut. More and more my type.
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
