so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
Can you bring me the toilet please
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
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